Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Newer dreams...
many of my newer dreams are in written format... but I have been procrastinating putting them here ....
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Split Personality 9-13-06
In this dream Karin and I are discussing our relationship. It is late at night and during our conversation and she keeps referring to herself as "we". The we she is referring to is a) the side of her I've known and loved and that has loved me and b) a secret side of her that operated as a split personality and that was only recently discovered. During the conversation she is continually saying we think this or we think that, and she was overall depressed.
We went to bed and woke up early in the morning. She went into the bathroom, while I woke up and was walking around naked. Our conversation picked up where we left off and she said "We don't feel like we have any value, we feel like the world would be better of without us." I knew she wasn't talking about her and I, rather, she was talking of herself and her split other. This angered me and I opened the door to the bathroom, she was clothed on her top half and naked from the waist down. She grabbed a towel to hide herself from me and sat down on the toilet. I was angry at what she said, and I angrily barked "There is no WE!". She immediately took issue with that. She knew what I meant, that I was saying there is no split personality within herself and I wasn't opening that door for actions she could blame on a side of herself that she had no control over. She rolled her eyes and gave me an expression I have seen often enough in real life to know what it meant, the expression said "oh, I take issue with that.. I feel totally the opposite." She said, "I know several clinical psychologist who will take issue with that. I slammed the door and walked away, thinking to myself that walking away wasn't the right thing to do, but it felt good and she just needed to get over it. It felt like the old me mode of operation.
I noticed at this point that the lower portion of my right leg, just below the calf, was all stained with blood: like I had dipped my entire foot in a pale of red dye. I noticed an old wound, that had previously healed, was now bleeding all down my leg. I walked out our door, still totally naked, and was now in a parking lot. Our place of living was more like a sleazy hotel. I walked across the parking lot to a gas station that was just to the right of our hotel and I had to walk slightly down hill to get there. I went into the small store that was a part of the gas station and looked more closely at my leg. While sitting there on a bench, it became more like a Wal-Mart store and Karin came in behind me, I felt different about our relationship now. Though we were husband and wife, we were very distant. She was dressed and looked nice on the outside, but as she looked at me, she had that look that said "You don't understand me".
Just as I was noticing this and trying to process it, my brother Kingsley came from the inside of the store and was heading out. He was dressed in long pants, no shirt, with a bow and arrow strapped across his sweaty body and he had ahold of Kayden in his left hand. He said he had just finished working out and he didn't know what was going to happen with his wife Jammie, but he was preparing for anything. He looked back inside the store and warned me his dad was coming. Then his dad entered my sight and told Kingsley, "...just make sure and tell me. I want to hear it from you" and he continued to rant about how no one ever told him anything. His voice was drowned out and I looked again at my leg. It was now bleeding fresh again, I couldn't really find the wound, but every time I rinsed off my leg, fresh blood was there again. I finally found the wound, and squeezed my leg all around the wound, squeezing toward the wound to make it bleed more, but to also help apply pressure immediately after as to stop the bleeding. It stopped, but I didn't want to disturb it too much, so a dabbed some toilet paper on it and started limping back to the hotel where Karin had returned. I was still naked and started to feel a bit uneasy about that.
I was hopping, favoring my right leg on the way to the hotel. About half way there I saw a car stop and an old elementary school chum, Steve Cummings, got out of a car and was having a discussion with 2 people about how he didn't want to take advantage of the $6000 off the car at this lot, he was already taking advantage of the $2000 off at the lot next door. I noticed his wife standing next to me, Suzy Gordon, that was her maiden name. She seemed disgusted and was there for moral support for me.
We went to bed and woke up early in the morning. She went into the bathroom, while I woke up and was walking around naked. Our conversation picked up where we left off and she said "We don't feel like we have any value, we feel like the world would be better of without us." I knew she wasn't talking about her and I, rather, she was talking of herself and her split other. This angered me and I opened the door to the bathroom, she was clothed on her top half and naked from the waist down. She grabbed a towel to hide herself from me and sat down on the toilet. I was angry at what she said, and I angrily barked "There is no WE!". She immediately took issue with that. She knew what I meant, that I was saying there is no split personality within herself and I wasn't opening that door for actions she could blame on a side of herself that she had no control over. She rolled her eyes and gave me an expression I have seen often enough in real life to know what it meant, the expression said "oh, I take issue with that.. I feel totally the opposite." She said, "I know several clinical psychologist who will take issue with that. I slammed the door and walked away, thinking to myself that walking away wasn't the right thing to do, but it felt good and she just needed to get over it. It felt like the old me mode of operation.
I noticed at this point that the lower portion of my right leg, just below the calf, was all stained with blood: like I had dipped my entire foot in a pale of red dye. I noticed an old wound, that had previously healed, was now bleeding all down my leg. I walked out our door, still totally naked, and was now in a parking lot. Our place of living was more like a sleazy hotel. I walked across the parking lot to a gas station that was just to the right of our hotel and I had to walk slightly down hill to get there. I went into the small store that was a part of the gas station and looked more closely at my leg. While sitting there on a bench, it became more like a Wal-Mart store and Karin came in behind me, I felt different about our relationship now. Though we were husband and wife, we were very distant. She was dressed and looked nice on the outside, but as she looked at me, she had that look that said "You don't understand me".
Just as I was noticing this and trying to process it, my brother Kingsley came from the inside of the store and was heading out. He was dressed in long pants, no shirt, with a bow and arrow strapped across his sweaty body and he had ahold of Kayden in his left hand. He said he had just finished working out and he didn't know what was going to happen with his wife Jammie, but he was preparing for anything. He looked back inside the store and warned me his dad was coming. Then his dad entered my sight and told Kingsley, "...just make sure and tell me. I want to hear it from you" and he continued to rant about how no one ever told him anything. His voice was drowned out and I looked again at my leg. It was now bleeding fresh again, I couldn't really find the wound, but every time I rinsed off my leg, fresh blood was there again. I finally found the wound, and squeezed my leg all around the wound, squeezing toward the wound to make it bleed more, but to also help apply pressure immediately after as to stop the bleeding. It stopped, but I didn't want to disturb it too much, so a dabbed some toilet paper on it and started limping back to the hotel where Karin had returned. I was still naked and started to feel a bit uneasy about that.
I was hopping, favoring my right leg on the way to the hotel. About half way there I saw a car stop and an old elementary school chum, Steve Cummings, got out of a car and was having a discussion with 2 people about how he didn't want to take advantage of the $6000 off the car at this lot, he was already taking advantage of the $2000 off at the lot next door. I noticed his wife standing next to me, Suzy Gordon, that was her maiden name. She seemed disgusted and was there for moral support for me.
A sidenote about Suzy. Her previous husband was an associate pastor who had an affair and divorced Suzy to marry his lover.I was now helping in Zack's classroom. His teacher was the teacher he had last year, Mrs. Leever. I again was naked. We escorted the kids to lunch, they ranched in age from 3 to 5, and upon my return to the classroom, Mrs Leever asked if I would get a janitor to come and clean up some feces in a little nook where one of the little kids had taken a hidden "#2". As I made my way to the office, the school looked just like the inside of my old elementary school, Washington Monroe. I made it to the office where I noticed Karin's mom was working. I could only ever see here from just above the bottom of her eyes up as she sat behind a partition. There were two other secretaries working and one of them asked what I needed. I told them we needed a janitor to come and clean up some feces.... he would need a mop and some sanitizer. I walked back to the room, Mrs. Leever was wiped out from the morning and taking a nap at her desk as she was kicked back in her office chair. The janitor came in and commented on how she must be tired and I woke up.
Soul Mates 5-21-06
Karin, Zack and I were going to see some family who lived in a fairly remote area out in the woods. We were taking a good friends son, Sullivan, with us. We could only drive in so far and then we had to walk up this hill to get the rest of the way. It was the middle of fall. Leaves had fallen from the trees and the ground was covered with them. As we ascended the hill, only about a minutes walk, the climate changed to that of winter with 4 inches of snow covering the ground at the top. As we got to the top there was a break in the tree line and suddenly there was water flooding in. My dad and step mother were there now as well, going to see the same family. I turned around to check and see if everyone was ok. The water was was running up hill from the lower land we came from and was beginning to flood where we were. I turned forward and Sullivan thought it was fun to go with the water which was starting to rush. I told Karin to get everyone into the trailer house just in front of us and reached out and just barely grabbed Sullivan before he was swept away. I looked back and told Karin to make sure he went them. There were now so many people coming up the hill that were seemingly lost wandering from the woods and not aware of the rushing snowy waters. I told Karin that I must help them and I would be back soon.
As I went to warn them, I lost my foothold and slid down the hill. My brothers dad, my ex-stepfather, was there rounding up family and trying to get them to a safe place. I jumped into his van, my brother, Kingsley, was with him. The water was coming from everywhere and it was now winter. As we drove to find a safe place, there was devastation all around us. Homes and small towns were abandoned and everything looked as if it were in a state of dis-repair. We kept getting further and further from Karin and Zack. I wasn't sure if I was going to get back we were hundreds of miles from them driving across a lake that had been frozen over. We felt like we were trying to get away from impending doom. It was a white out from the bright snow with occassional small clusters of newly made communities of people that had lost all there belongings and there homes.
We had arrived at what I felt was my dad's home. People and kids not being supervised were as far as I could see in the neighborhood. I was panicked for Karin and kept explaining to everyone I needed to find her and Zack. I had no way of getting there. Anyones sense of what was, had been replaced with chaos and fear. There were no familiar landmarks. I would attempt to go out and look for her, but what things used to geographically look like were masked by people setting up refugee cities and covering streets and roads. Cars were not available anymore. Most had been abandoned and did not run. My dad and step mother seem to make it back to their house. They told me all the computers for my business had been stolen and they did not know where Karin and Zack were. I felt totally lost and filled with anxiety. I ran an internet business and now my ability to communicate with anyone had been stolen. I felt like my livelyhood was gone and I became lost within myself. I was not and could not function mentally anymore. The overwhelming feeling of loss had overtaken me. I was not able to take care of myself. My step mother and dad took care of me as if I were a young child. I was not able to comprehend much. I felt like an outcast and even the children ignored me.
One late afternoon, after what seemed like a couple of years later, we were at a dining facility. Patty, my stepmother, was trying to explain to me as if I were 4 or 5 that she thought she found Karin. Chills of excitement shuttered thru my body and I felt like I was waking from a dense fog. I had trouble speaking. My mouth felt numb from not being used to speak and I was drooling. I slowly could feel my cognitive abilities returning to me and began to cry and asked her to call and find out if were her and ask Karin to come to me.
Within an hour Karin arrived at the dinning facility. She was wearing a red cloak and beret. Her clothes were very clean and pressed. She was decorated with many badges on her shirt which looked like an adult 'brownie' outfit. When she entered the room, I rose from my seat and walked toward her. I was overcome with grief and unbelief . I was so happy she was alive and had done so well for herself. I always knew she had a deep inner strength and could do what was needed when the chips were down. As we walked toward each other, she seemed distant and confident with her life. As we met face to face I wrapped my arms around her and fell to my knees sobbing, holding her around her waist and feeling her stomach upon my face. I never thought I would feel this pleasure again. I was weeping uncontrollably and trying to explain that I had searched and searched and that I was only able recently to think again and that it wasn't my fault, that I had been lost in myself. As I held her tightly I knew she was my soulmate and I knew that without her saying a word, that she had become a professional woman and by the many badges on her shirt and cloak, that Zack was becoming a successful young man. I kept trying to explain myself and felt like she was taking pitty on me.
I stood up and kissed her. My face and my lips were wet with my tears when I kissed her. Her lips were warm and soft and knew it was her. I thought I would never feel the comfort and peace of kissing those lips ever again. I whispered to her as I grabbed her face and told here she was the love of my life and that we were soul mates. As I spoke it to her, I felt like I hadn't said that often enough before hell had broken loose, and the look on her face said she agreed and that she deeply appreciated it and needed to hear it.
In the dream, I felt like a man who became a lost child and once I found what I was looking for, that I was not worthy to have it. I feared I would not be accepted and deeply needed to hear from her that she agreed we were soul mates. Something, until now in my life, that I had not fully agreed with because I did not believe in creating soul ties. But at the moment I saw her again, I believed in destiny and knew it was destiny that had brought us back together. That no matter what had happened, our lives had come back together. I felt that I had lost my control over her. Perhaps an unhealthy control. I felt she was now a successful woman who had made it on her own without me and perhaps felt like she didn't need me anymore. I couldn't bear losing her again. I felt we had so much time stolen from us and that we weren't able to fully cultivate our marriage into a blossoming beautiful plant that had never been seen or experienced. The kind of plant that couldn't be explained because it was a new species and no one knew what it's potential for beauty was.
At this moment I feel I am waking from deep fog that has shrouded our relationship and that i need to encourage her more, and not be fearful that she will become successful and not want me any longer.
As I went to warn them, I lost my foothold and slid down the hill. My brothers dad, my ex-stepfather, was there rounding up family and trying to get them to a safe place. I jumped into his van, my brother, Kingsley, was with him. The water was coming from everywhere and it was now winter. As we drove to find a safe place, there was devastation all around us. Homes and small towns were abandoned and everything looked as if it were in a state of dis-repair. We kept getting further and further from Karin and Zack. I wasn't sure if I was going to get back we were hundreds of miles from them driving across a lake that had been frozen over. We felt like we were trying to get away from impending doom. It was a white out from the bright snow with occassional small clusters of newly made communities of people that had lost all there belongings and there homes.
We had arrived at what I felt was my dad's home. People and kids not being supervised were as far as I could see in the neighborhood. I was panicked for Karin and kept explaining to everyone I needed to find her and Zack. I had no way of getting there. Anyones sense of what was, had been replaced with chaos and fear. There were no familiar landmarks. I would attempt to go out and look for her, but what things used to geographically look like were masked by people setting up refugee cities and covering streets and roads. Cars were not available anymore. Most had been abandoned and did not run. My dad and step mother seem to make it back to their house. They told me all the computers for my business had been stolen and they did not know where Karin and Zack were. I felt totally lost and filled with anxiety. I ran an internet business and now my ability to communicate with anyone had been stolen. I felt like my livelyhood was gone and I became lost within myself. I was not and could not function mentally anymore. The overwhelming feeling of loss had overtaken me. I was not able to take care of myself. My step mother and dad took care of me as if I were a young child. I was not able to comprehend much. I felt like an outcast and even the children ignored me.
One late afternoon, after what seemed like a couple of years later, we were at a dining facility. Patty, my stepmother, was trying to explain to me as if I were 4 or 5 that she thought she found Karin. Chills of excitement shuttered thru my body and I felt like I was waking from a dense fog. I had trouble speaking. My mouth felt numb from not being used to speak and I was drooling. I slowly could feel my cognitive abilities returning to me and began to cry and asked her to call and find out if were her and ask Karin to come to me.
Within an hour Karin arrived at the dinning facility. She was wearing a red cloak and beret. Her clothes were very clean and pressed. She was decorated with many badges on her shirt which looked like an adult 'brownie' outfit. When she entered the room, I rose from my seat and walked toward her. I was overcome with grief and unbelief . I was so happy she was alive and had done so well for herself. I always knew she had a deep inner strength and could do what was needed when the chips were down. As we walked toward each other, she seemed distant and confident with her life. As we met face to face I wrapped my arms around her and fell to my knees sobbing, holding her around her waist and feeling her stomach upon my face. I never thought I would feel this pleasure again. I was weeping uncontrollably and trying to explain that I had searched and searched and that I was only able recently to think again and that it wasn't my fault, that I had been lost in myself. As I held her tightly I knew she was my soulmate and I knew that without her saying a word, that she had become a professional woman and by the many badges on her shirt and cloak, that Zack was becoming a successful young man. I kept trying to explain myself and felt like she was taking pitty on me.
I stood up and kissed her. My face and my lips were wet with my tears when I kissed her. Her lips were warm and soft and knew it was her. I thought I would never feel the comfort and peace of kissing those lips ever again. I whispered to her as I grabbed her face and told here she was the love of my life and that we were soul mates. As I spoke it to her, I felt like I hadn't said that often enough before hell had broken loose, and the look on her face said she agreed and that she deeply appreciated it and needed to hear it.
In the dream, I felt like a man who became a lost child and once I found what I was looking for, that I was not worthy to have it. I feared I would not be accepted and deeply needed to hear from her that she agreed we were soul mates. Something, until now in my life, that I had not fully agreed with because I did not believe in creating soul ties. But at the moment I saw her again, I believed in destiny and knew it was destiny that had brought us back together. That no matter what had happened, our lives had come back together. I felt that I had lost my control over her. Perhaps an unhealthy control. I felt she was now a successful woman who had made it on her own without me and perhaps felt like she didn't need me anymore. I couldn't bear losing her again. I felt we had so much time stolen from us and that we weren't able to fully cultivate our marriage into a blossoming beautiful plant that had never been seen or experienced. The kind of plant that couldn't be explained because it was a new species and no one knew what it's potential for beauty was.
At this moment I feel I am waking from deep fog that has shrouded our relationship and that i need to encourage her more, and not be fearful that she will become successful and not want me any longer.
5 Lions Jan '05
I went to visit a house, it was a huge mansion filled with all kinds of art; paintings, statues, trinkets, etc.As I walked thru house being escorted to a room, I could see lions a couple of rooms away.I was alarmed that they did not appear to be chained to anything.I began to Roam thru the house and came across a group of people, I seem to know them.It was a party.Someone had a little black dog that jumped from her arms and took off running.Someone said the lions would kill it and several us ran after trying to prevent the dog from stirring the lions.As I ran into a room to look for the dog I could see the lions in the next room.They began to fan out,they were all male lions,as if to look for something.I feared they would see me and come for me,I entered another room,it was a tunnel with water and my impression was that it was under the house.Every now and then I could see lions running pass a doorway and hear people yelling and scrambling for the dog.Then I saw the dog run by with 5 lions chasing after it, they had all run very near me and one of the lions looked at me as it ran by.I began looking for a way out of the house, the lions were becoming increasingly agitated and I could only think of the way the one looked at me.Then I looked to my right and saw the black dog running straight for me.He jumped over me as I ducked down.I was scared, the lions were close behind.I stayed extremely still and did not panic,hoping the lions would not see me.They all ran in a row and leaped over me in pursuit of the dog.I could feel the body heat of each one,each had a distinctive smell and I could see them breathing as they leaped over me.I was shocked that they did not see me.I woke up and my fist thought was "This dream means something." I fell back asleep.I was then trying to continue to find my way out.The house seemed situated in a zoo with high overgrown walls in the shape of a large circle.Portions of the wall represented different wildlife by its design and horticulture.I was trying to find a way out without falling off the wall.I found myself reunited with some of the people from the house.It was a swimming party in a small body of water.Again seemed to be under the house.Like a cavern.As I jumped in one time I felt someone wrap themselves around me.I could feel there body and could tell it was a woman.As I surfaced I saw it was a friends wife.I felt uncomfortable but knew that it was a dream and I wanted to explore the potential of her being so close to me.I knew not to and got out to leave.As I did her husband and another friend showed up.We greeted and then we sensed the lions nearby and everyone ran to lighted area that had stairs going back up to the house.I went the same way as before; thru the tunnel to the wall.Someone else had taken the same route this time.I helped escort the individual since I had been here before.We were able to climb off the wall onto a set a bleachers filled with people appearing to watch a game.The lions now were people running after us.The person I had helped and I took off under the bleachers.It was much like the cavern we were in before.We jumped onto a mobile device of some kind-like a hovercraft-and escaped.We were now fleeing thru a city that was futuristic.I awoke.
In Utero Nov '05
We were walking thru a small stream in the mid of day with tree overgrowth and the sun was finding it hard to get thru the foilage. We were walking thru and there were 2 or 3 other people, one of them was a child. As we were walking i looked down and saw a snake floating upside down as if it were dead. Josh leaned over and picked it up by the neck. As he lifted it up, I could see its face, it was a 2 horned rattle snake, and it was alive. I screamed out to Josh, "It's alive! It's a rattlesnake!" It was too late, it struck at Josh and it's mouth bit him on either side of his head over his face. As I reached out to help Josh, I picked him up. He was no longer in human form, rather he was in the appearance of a uterus full of liquid and that was with child in my hands. I rushed from the woods to a doctor's office and ran in screaming he had been bitten by a rattle snake and we only had 20 minutes to administer an anti venom or he would die. It was difficult to get anyone to hurry and help. I kept telling them we only have so much time, we have to do this now. As time went by, the uterus was getting smaller and smaller. With about 2 minutes left to go, the doctor finally injected the muscular sack with a syringe and administered a clear fluid. The rattle had 6 white, almost clear, rattles. I think I pulled the snake off of his face, but not clear. I awoke.
Eye of the Tornado Nov '04
I was the in a car with someone driving into a city seen at a distance it was sunny.The road was winding and there were roads everywhere.The closer we attempted to get to the city,the more winding the roads became.When we got to the outskirts of the city the trees and the sky turned a brilliant blue and the outline of a person with me was glowing. The sky then changed to muted blue-gray.It began to get very windy-a storm was coming.The tops of the trees were missing as if a tornado had recently taken them off.We stopped,I got out of the car.There was destruction ahead.The sky was swirling in 3d effect.A funnel cloud developed 100ft to my left and headed straight for me as it touched down.I knew I was doomed and fell to the ground waiting for the pull of the wind to lift me off the the ground.I was thinking "this is it,what will it feel like?"I looked up as I sensed the tornado directly over me.I could see up thru the eye of the tornado and was surprised that it went directly over me.The sky became black and there were more tornadoes coming.I jumped over the roadside railing and tumbled down the hill and came to a stop in the midst of a tree branch and a rock.There was debris from a car in front of me.A baby seat,blood,personal items.The tornadoes passed by,again looking up thru the eye of them.As the sky cleared I got up, I was covering the body of an injured youth.I thought "Oh my God!I have to find the survivors."Someone behind me came up and asked "how many are there?" I answered "50 or 60."I began to help and the dream ended.
Tears in a Bowl Aug '04
I was aware my 4 year old son,Zack, was going to an old family farm with someone. I had a dream in my dream that he went and we came later to find police searching the area, the land had flooded from the river, the person, Paul, who took him, I haven't seen since 1990 had taken him to the family farm and was found dead. I realized it was a dream when we came across Paul's body near the rivers edge where police found him. Though he was dead, he looked at me,smiled, and said "hey Kev".Then I was walking at the farm with people, it was flooded.I said "he's over there". We went to the location I had seen previously.Paul was dead. Ttransition- to a Hospital with several hundreds of people that were doctors, patients, and like me trying to get answers.Walking-maze of doors stairs & rooms-came to a room where Zack was.He was fine.I hugged him, said I was sorry and that missed him so much, and we touched our foreheads together and I cried.I knelt down and cried so much, that a container on the floor captured my tears and filled to the top. I raised the bowl, poured it on the floor,& said "As I have shead these tears in thankfulness to you Lord, I return them to you."Zack either stayed or Karin (my wife) grabbed his hand- I walked out. I was adamant about leaving in the most direct path. I looked back,Karin was farther from me. I grew in frustrated-she wasn't keeping up. I went down a hall and turned, Karin came out a different door and her mother was with her.We went down the stairs together. We entered a room I noticed my ex-step sister Lori and went to her, I hugged her and kissed the top of her hair. Her daughter was there,smiled at me, I smiled. Everyone was concerned yet happy.transition- Isaw a friend, becky, and her mom. I haven't seen Becky in 20 years. I was feeling awkward that she was so kind to me. I,karin,becky,becky's mom, sat in the back of a car.Beckywanted to hold my hand to comfort me. I held her hand. I awoke.
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